Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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