Those balls look pretty dangerous.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
