I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
