im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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