just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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