You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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