The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
