I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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