im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
