He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You ruined the universe
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
