my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
