you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
