i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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