Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
