dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
