I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
