STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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