In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
