what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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