i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.