Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.

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  (301): Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them. http://tfl.nu/uwdn
  Replies (25) Good night (3506) Bad night (736)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.

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  (616): And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard. http://tfl.nu/ztg2
  Replies (18) Good night (1310) Bad night (3419)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (11612) Bad night (1311)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.

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  (804): Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster. http://tfl.nu/ns19
  Replies (10) Good night (3771) Bad night (1227)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits

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  (678): I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits http://tfl.nu/9nme
  Replies (8) Good night (3697) Bad night (1039)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous

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  (785): I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous http://tfl.nu/ltir
  Replies (14) Good night (1261) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.

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  (909): I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting. http://tfl.nu/6xjr
  Replies (2) Good night (747) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness

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  (256): Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness http://tfl.nu/eegc
  Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (317)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve

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  (937): The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve http://tfl.nu/cdxu
  Replies (1) Good night (1406) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.

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  (703): HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER. http://tfl.nu/g3ji
  Replies (1) Good night (1381) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

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  (+61): I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING. http://tfl.nu/8crd
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.

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  (281): Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky. http://tfl.nu/g7xl
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick

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  (516): I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick http://tfl.nu/9fbv
  Replies (2) Good night (732) Bad night (326)
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  (323): View more from California

  He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.

  (323): View more from California

  Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.

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  (323): He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour. (323): Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/2ar3
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.

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  (647): Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing. http://tfl.nu/usi8
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (198)

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