He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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