So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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