I bet he comes in French.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.