I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket