i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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