She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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