how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You made out with two different species that night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
