Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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