I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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