I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
