My nipple is on Facebook.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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