Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
