i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
