i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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