You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
