There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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