Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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