fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
