My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize