I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
