Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
