Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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