just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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