i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So squirting runs in the family.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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