last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
