You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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