i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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