help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
