Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
