His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
