There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
we should paint friendship bongs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
