He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
