Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
