Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
