I'm gonna have a badass scar
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
