jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
