lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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