1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
