does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so let's talk penis.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
