She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
