When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
