Dude my mom stole all your condoms
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm experimenting with sincerity
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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