How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in