dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.