The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy