I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.