hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
